I just got back from what was, for the most part, a beautiful bike ride. I've been laid up for a few weeks now with a few minor injuries, and was really looking forward to getting out to take in some of the lovely colors.

Unfortunately, my ride turned sour towards the end. I was riding down a long stretch of a 4 lane rode (2 huge lanes in each direction), when this huge truck pulls up next to me. The passenger rolls down his window and screams "YOU SUCK" at me with such force and violence in his voice that I felt he might as well been screaming "I HATE YOU" at me. While the words themselves were easy to laugh at, I was instantly shaken. I didn't do anything to these guys. They hadn't even been stuck behind me; they were just cruising in the other lane and felt the need to dredge up that much emotional energy to express their feelings towards me as a cyclist. They got slowed up further down the road, and so I had the chance to pass them and blow kisses and wave, which is what I usually do when people yell at me. Again, the dude screams out the window at me "you STILL suck. you SUCK you SUCK you SUCK!"

What the fuck. I really felt they would have happily run me over, given the chance. I rode away from that feeling shaken. It's odd, because I get yelled at a lot...every bike rider does, but it's usually no more than a half-hearted and annoyed, "get out of the road!" or, "get on the sidewalk!" Those are easy to ignore, but the seething hatred in this dude's voice was frightening.

The violence didn't stop there. Less than 5 minutes later, I was riding down a quiet street near my neighborhood when I looked to the right to see a bunch of landscapers working in a yard. Right as I looked, one of the workers threw a shovel at one of the others, hitting the guy in the leg. The guy who had been hit proceeded to jump and attack the guy, and a fist fight commenced.

I guess I just don't deal with violence so well, because these two scenes combined left me choking back tears for the rest of my ride. There is a disturbing amount of violence in this city, so much of it which I have been witness to in the 5 years that I have lived here.

I posted this to my FB page, but nobody responded. Hopefully my dear Livejournal friends will be, dare I say, a little less apathetic?  :)

Here's the deal:

I'm giving a persuasive speech in a few weeks on prostitution, and I'll be arguing for the legalization of it. It's a touchy subject, I know, but I would really really really like to hear ALL of your opinions on it, whether you be for or against it.  

So yeah, give me your opinions!

"And it was that way until late high school, when I probably entered that horrible limp-sounding realm of agnosticism where, for me, it was, "I'd love to be a believer. I would love to be a fanatic." To me, that looks awesome, to have that certainty of belief in anything. Not just religiously but politically, anything you could actually say, "This is exactly what I believe, and it was all written down by somebody else, and I accept every last word of it.""

-John Darnielle, taken from the new interview on Pitchfork.

http://pitchfork.com/news/36406-john-darnielle-tells-the-story-behind-the-mountain-goats-biblical-new-lp/


Man, it's nice to know sometimes that there are other people out there who have felt the same things as you.

I'm heading in tomorrow for my first laser treatment, to begin the removal of most of the quarter sleeve tattoo on my left arm.  It was tough to finally admit to myself that I really hate this tattoo, and that I hate it enough to go through the long and painful process of removing it.  I've been decided about this for a while now, but it's still a little scary.  Most people never attempt to get tattoos this big removed because it's such a process, but I'm doing it!  Eep! 

Scary, but it feels good. 

I have boing boing little bangs now.  I'm feeling decidedly girly today, and I like it.



Off to school now.  Computer class.  Ugh.  Don't they understand that I have a Mac now?

I believe a summary is in order!  (because that's how I do things.)

Note: I find it funny that while I thoroughly enjoy writing, and generally think I'm pretty good at, my methods of blogging and email produce pretty much the laziest, sloppiest pieces of crap ever.  Oh well. I never really start to get serious (and have fun!) until I'm writing a paper or working on my story.  

( What else? Pictures! Lots of them! )

I enjoy doing entries with numbered bullets.

1. I have begun reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.  A warning as to what kind of undertaking this would be might have been nice.  If there are any of you who have read this and would like to give me some advice or words of encouragement, I assure you I would be extremely appreciative.  
2. I should not be allowed to buy anything containing chocolate from Trader Joes.  By my estimate, today I have consumed 800 calories worth of mini chocolate brownies sprinkled with sea salt.  And now I feel jittery, and slightly outside myself...not to mention, gross. 
3. Tomorrow I leave for the mountains to attend the Carolina Anusara gathering.  This will be my first yoga retreat, and I am super excited. 
4. I got A's in both of my summer classes.  Next week I start school again.  The thought of doing math leaves me feeling basically horrified. 
5. I have decided that instead of first trying to pursue a career in social work, I will major in psychology and then apply to doctoral programs once I finish my undergrad work.  If I can't get into any schools for that, then I'll apply to social work programs.  Might as well dream big, right?
6. I rode 156 miles in the 24 Hours of Booty this year, 3 more miles than I rode last year. I came to the conclusion a few hours in that having fun and celebrating life with my friends was something that needed to be as much a part of the event as putting in crazy miles on the bike.  I went from having no control in my life to trying to control too much...it's time to find that happy medium. 
7. It has been a lovely summer, only I wish I could have gone swimming more. 
8. I need more single friends.  Seriously.
9. Oh, and speaking of single people, Dating in the Dark is one of the most fascinating shows I have ever seen on television.  It's on Hulu.  Go watch an episode, or several.  It is NOT your average dating show, and is in fact a really interesting social experiment.  Unlike most dating shows where the outcomes are pretty predictable, you never know what's going to happen with this one. 
10. Lastly, I am now well past the half year point of not drinking.  It's been one of the coolest things I've ever done for myself, and many unexpected things have come from it...the biggest thing being that I have learned more about myself in these past 7 or so months than I have in my entire life. I still haven't decided whether I'm going to allow alcohol back into my life or not at the end of the year.  I'm torn, but thankfully I still have plenty of time to decide.

Ok, that's all.  Let's hear it for lazy posting!

It's my birthday next week, and you know what would be the best gift ever?  For YOU to donate to my 24 Hours of Booty account.  I'll be making my 200 + mile attempt in less than 3 weeks. 

Go here:

http://www.24hoursofbooty.org/goto/jenniferashleyjordan

Next month it will be 6 years since my father died. 

It's interesting....when he died it was a crushing, life changing experience.  My life went to hell.  Then over the years the pain eased, although I still thought of him often.  These days though, I struggle with the pain in a newer, more heartbreaking and frustrating way than I ever did before.  My life is good now.  My father used to always tell me how much potential I had, and it kills me that he died before he ever got a chance to see me start to reach that potential.  Also, even at a time when all I ever did was make him angry, I still admired him and had a desire to learn from him because he was such an incredibly smart man.  I suffer now, knowing that I am in a place in my life where I could finally have and appreciate a real relationship with him, but not being able to do so.

But it's not all sad.  I have thanks to give.  There is a man in my life who I love and admire every bit as much as a father and I feel incredibly lucky to have such a person in my life.  I wish I had the guts to tell him that's how I felt about him, but I don't.  Still, I think he knows anyway, and I'm cool with that.

I must say, having a squirrel unexpectedly climb up your body to perch on your shoulder is a very disconcerting experience. Let me explain. A few days ago I was at work doing deliveries (for those of you who don't know or remember, I deliver food for a Chinese restaurant.) when an order came up from one of our regular customers. I pull up into her driveway and as I'm climbing the steps to her door she comes out to greet me. At that point I look down and notice that there is a squirrel in between us. I think, "well that's a little strange" and cautiously step around him, expecting him to scurry away. I look down again and see that he has turned around and inched towards me and is sitting at my feet looking up at me. The woman then explains, "Oh, this is so and so, a squirrel that I rescued at a young age." He then proceeds to start climbing my leg and she goes on to say, "he's a very unusual case." Now, I love animals, but this was just...weird. Having an animal that you've associated with being wild your entire life climbing up your body. I just stood their, mildly freaked out but also pretty amused. She then plucked him off my shoulder, took the food, and I was on my way.

My job is really weird sometimes.

In other news, I am all registered for classes for the Summer and Fall semesters. I am simultaneously excited and terrified that all of my idle time is about to go away. The excitement is winning, for the most part; especially now that I'm pretty clear as to what it is that I plan on doing with my college education. Also, for now it is completely free, which is really really nice.

I feel so much lighter these days. I've been learning what it means to practice peace and kindness, and to know that the conscious decision to try is the most important part.